Wedded Bliss for another Sailor

Groom's Cake from Kemah, German Chocolate cake chest of jewels

Oh what a joyous celebration there was in Galveston as we witnessed the joining together two wonderful sailors in wedded bliss.  No detail was missed.  We were so grateful to be invited to their beautiful wedding and rollicking party with boat themes, dinner, dancing, and much merriment into the late hours of the night.

Two sailors who share the love of adventure, exploration, and excitement have only started their voyage together.  They complement and adore each other that I foresee great joy together for them.

A wedding is a symbol, a celebration, a public recognition of what already exists.  It is their marriage to define, to make real, and to live. Marriage is a means of showing commitment to one another. It is an opportunity for mutual growth. The promises made and the ties that are bound will greatly strengthen their union as they cross over many years together.

The true art of married life is a mutual enrichment, a give and take between two personalities that diminishes neither, but enhances both. Treasuring each love and following every day with the duty to honor their mate, marriage, and family. Judging less and loving more, and accepting another way of doing something different.  The community of people in their life that share their passion and values, their physical surroundings, trust in their love to tell the truth, be kind, and the ability to make each other laugh will help enrich their union.

I was never one that dreamed about my wedding day, but when it came, I did as I always do research all the meanings and history of the ceremony.  A ring on the left hand, third finger comes from the Attic Nights of Aulus Gellius, Roman book, because it was the way to the human heart, 'the supreme organ'.

There is no advice in this post.  This is our story of eudaimonic well-being and pleasure of maintaining lasting love.  The longer that I am married and involved with the same man, the less I feel qualified to give anyone advice on finding and keeping love since each is different.

There are a few things that we do to keep our love strong.  Hug many times every day (try a 20 second hug), hold hands (try for 10 minutes), verbally confirm our love for each other, make love, look our best, defend our love, and spend time together.  Trying new and different experiences, and reminisce about them.  Think positively about my love and me.  I stay away from connecting with old flames.  All of these things have a brain reaction in both men and women that need to be replenished daily.

Why we need companionship?  When you find the right love, your brain releases norepinephrine and cortisol that increases your heart rate, causes a loss of appetite and sleep, and intense feelings of excitement.  With time together during stressful and exciting events, the chance of bonding or finding love increases.   It is more than just chemical.  For longtime love there must be sacrifice, physical companionship, adventure, attachment to family, commitment plan ('to build a nest'), and shared goals and values.

Scientists have identified many different lifespan companion-bonding hormones and neurotransmitter receptors in the brains of little cute mammals, called voles, Microtus ochrogaster.  These prairie voles are a part of the less than 5% of mammals that bond for a lifetime. The prairie voles' pair bonding, sharing of parental roles and nest building in couples makes them a good model for understanding the biology of monogamy and mating in humans.  It is not the muscrats where loves last, Mr. Willis Ramsey, but the prairie voles.

Love truly begins in the brain that makes your feel it in your heart and all the way to your toes creating an euphoric state.  Where you cannot sleep, eat, and really think only about that person. 

Using different pathways your brain sends a mix of neurotransmitters, neuropeptides, and hormones for love: dopamine (neuromodulator with 5 types of receptors), testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, oxytocin (bonding), vasopressin (nurture and protection, 3 types of receptors), serotonin (calming, neuromodulator with 24 types of receptors), gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA, anti anxiety), phenylethylamine (love), acetylcholine (ACTH, rest, neuromodulator), endocannabanoid (bliss, runners high), hypocretin/orexin (happiness).  The prior have different jobs that depends on its origin, pathway, and where it ends in the cortex. They need to be replenished to keep going.  

Do not ignore your love.

Vasopressin is used in the brain of the male voles to ignore the other female voles and defend his mate against other competing males.  Male and female's brains handle stressful events differently; the stress responses of men are seen as fight or flight while in women the use of oxytocin tends to caring for the family and creating a community of friendship.  This is why women are more social than men.

Dopamine (pursue award), norepinephrine (originating in locus coeruleus: causing not sleeping, rapid heart rate, increase blood pressure, more alert, long term memory, learning, prevents endorphins breakdown), and epinephrine (adrenaline) are known as catecholamines which are derived from tyrosine (amino acid) with different enzymes that are made by the nerves and adrenal glands and originate in the brain and not the body because of the blood-brain barrier. These neurotransmitters make love incredibly powerful and desirable.  

Running and exercise helps increase movement of dopamine (pursue award) and endorphins (joy, pain killer like enkephalins) in your brain.  Feeling discontent get your heart rate up with exercise, and you may feel better together.  As an active sailor we constantly get the surge of adrenaline when facing big waves, strong wind, and cold water, but I never feel fear.  I feel my heart racing and a wave of warm blood flow to my feet, hands, and head.  I am very focused and happy to be facing a new adventure with my captain.

Why we are faithful to our mates? 
Emotions and the Brain by Steven Johnson, Discovery Magazine, May 2003

In the faithful voles, the oxytocin receptors overlapped with dopamine receptors in an area of the brain called the nucleus accumbens; in the nonmonogamous voles, the oxytocin receptors were located elsewhere. 

In the monogamous voles, oxytocin receptors were planted firmly in the reward circuitry of the brain. The architecture suggested that behaviors associated with oxytocin release would feel good in the brains of the prairie voles but leave the montane voles relatively unaffected. If oxytocin encouraged the animals to stay attached to a partner, it was no wonder the prairie voles turned out to be so committed. Their brains were wired to make forming attachments pleasurable.   

Oxytocin receptors are located in several dopamine-rich regions of the brain, suggesting that oxytocin is embedded in our reward circuitry. 

With oxytocin triggering the drive for social attachment and the opioids supplying the warm, fuzzy feeling of being in the company of loved ones.  

Oxytocin's effects are heightened by estrogen and dampened by androgens like testosterone, which may help explain differences between male and female stress responses. 

Gifts from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. 

We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity-in freedom.

Beach Wedding Poem

Standing near the ocean tide, may love always be as constant as these never-ending waves, flowing endlessly from the depths of the sea; Love came softly upon each others heart,just as the foam comes softly upon the sand, and just as there will never be a morning without the ocean's flow, so there will never be a day without love for each other. 

Pledging their love will be as dependable as the tide; as these waters nourish the earth and sustain life, may their constant devotion nourish and sustain them until the end of time. 

Use Your Senses to Keep Your Love Strong... (we have more than five senses)

1. Opthalmoception, sight
2. Audioception, hearing
3. Tactioception, touch aka somatosenory
4. Gustaception, taste
5. Olfacoception, smell
6. Proprioception, body's awareness of where it is in relation to itself
7. Nociception, sense of pain (inhibited by opioid) and itch (inhibited by dynorphin)
8. Equilibrioception, Vestibular nerve, sense of balance, saccule/ utricle aka otolith organs
9. Subitizing, sense of knowing how many items there are
10. Chronoception, sense of time
11. Chemoreception, detect salt and co2 concentrations, vomernasal-sensing pheromones (Jacobson organ)
12. Thermoception, change in temperature
13. Magnetoception, sense direction, knowing where true north is!
14. Interoception, sense of internal organs
15. Leptin and ghrelin hormone for the sense of fullness or hunger, satiety signals (orexin)
16. Apperception, perceive new experience in relation to past experiences
17. Barometric, sense of weather, change in pressure (ie migraines or stiff joints)
18. Presence, sense of another is close by
19. Laughter, sense of humor; laughter releases hypocretin/orexin, dopamine, serotonin, endorphin, and oxytocin
20. Intuition, 'gut instinct', linked to the caudate nucleus of the basal ganglia (ie nuclei)

Tiramisu Wedding Cake Recipe for 2-tier 9” cakes

7 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons baking powder
2 teaspoons salt
2 3/4 cups unsalted butter, room temperature
5 2/3 cups sugar
2 1/2 tablespoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons almond extract
3 3/4 cups whole milk
18 large egg whites, room temperature

2 cups Kahlua or other coffee liqueur
1 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon instant espresso powder or coffee powder

14 packages cream cheese, (8-ounce each), room temperature
7 cups powdered sugar
2 1/3 cups chilled whipping cream
7 tablespoons sweet Marsala
3 1/2 tablespoons vanilla extract

12 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
1 cardboard cake round, 6" diameter
1 cardboard cake round, 9" diameter
1 cardboard, 12" diameter
1 revolving cake stand, 11" diameter (optional)
9 wood dowels, 12" long, 1/4" diameter
4 1/2 cups berries (raspberries, blueberries blackberries and strawberries
Fresh mint sprigs

12 cups berries (raspberries, blueberries blackberries and strawberries), optional
6 tablespoons sugar

Position racks in top and bottom thirds of oven and preheat to 350F. Butter one 12-inch-diameter cake pan with 3-inch-high sides, one 9-inch-diameter cake pan with 3-inch-high sides and one 6-inch-diameter cake pan with 3-inch-high sides.* Line bottoms with parchment. Sift flour, baking powder and salt into medium bowl.

Using handheld electric mixer, beat butter in 12-quart bowl on medium-high speed until light. Gradually add sugar and beat until well blended. Beat in extracts. On medium-low speed, beat in dry ingredients alternately with milk in 3 additions each, beating just until combined (batter will be thick).

Using electric mixer fitted with clean, dry beaters, beat whites in another large bowl until stiff but not dry. Fold 1/3 of whites into batter to lighten. Fold in remaining whites. Spoon batter into prepared pans so that depth of batter is the same in each pan; smooth tops. Bake until tops are deep golden brown and tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 55 minutes for 6-inch cake, about 65 minutes for 9-inch cake and about 80 minutes for 12-inch cake. Cool cakes in pans on racks 20 minutes. Run knife around pan sides to loosen cakes. Turn out cakes onto racks and peel off parchment. Cool completely.

Mix Kahlua, water and coffee powder in heavy, large saucepan. Boil over medium-high heat until mixture is reduced to 2 2/3 cups, stirring occasionally, about 10 minutes. Cool syrup completely.

Using electric mixer, beat cream cheese in large bowl until light. Gradually add sugar and beat until fluffy. Add cream, Marsala and vanilla and beat until well blended. Cover and let stand at room temperature up to 1 hour.

Finely grind chopped chocolate in processor (do not over process or chocolate will clump together). Using serrated knife, cut each cake horizontally into 3 equal layers. Spread dab of frosting on 6-inch cardboard round; top with bottom layer of 6-inch cake, cut side up. Brush cakes with 2 tbsp syrup.

Spread 1/2 cup frosting over. Sprinkle with 2 tbsp ground chocolate. Top with middle 6-inch-layer cake layer. Brush with 2 tbsp syrup. Spread 1/2 cup frosting over. Sprinkle with 2 tablespoons ground chocolate. Brush 2 tablespoons syrup over cut side of top 6-inch cake layer. Using hands, turn layer cake over and place cut side down atop frosted layers. Cover and refrigerate cake.

Spread dab of frosting on 9-inch cardboard round; top with bottom layer of 9-inch cake, cut side up. Brush with 1/4 cup syrup. Spread 1 cup frosting over. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup ground chocolate. Top with middle 9-inch cake layer. Brush with 1/4 cup syrup. Spread 1 cup frosting over. Sprinkle with 1/4 cup ground chocolate. Brush 1/4 cup syrup over cut side of top 9-inch cake layer. Slide large tart-pan bottom or spring form cake-pan bottom under cake layer. Using pan bottom as aid, lift cake layer and turn cut side down atop frosted layers. Cover and refrigerate cake.

Spread dab of frosting on 12-inch cardboard round; top with bottom layer of 12-inch cake, cut side up. Brush with 1/2 cup syrup. Spread 2 cups frosting over. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup ground chocolate. Top with middle 12-inch cake layer. Brush with 1/2 cup syrup. Spread 2 cups frosting over. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup ground chocolate.

Brush 1/2 cup syrup over cut side of top 12-inch cake layer. Slide large tart pan bottom or cake pan bottom under cake. Using pan bottom as aid, lift cake layer and turn cut side down atop frosted layers. Cover cake; refrigerate all cakes until firm, about 4 hours. Cover remaining frosting and let stand at room temperature. Place 12-inch cake on its cardboard on large flat platter. Place platter on cake stand. Using icing spatula, spread 4 cups frosting over top and sides of cake; smooth top. Swirl frosting decoratively on sides of cake. Press 1 dowel into center of 12-inch cake. Mark dowel 1/4 inch above top of cake. Remove dowel and cut with serrated knife at marked point. Cut 4 more dowels to same length. Press 4 cut dowels into 12-inch cake, inserting 4 inches inward from cake edges and spacing evenly; press 1 dowel into center of cake. Refrigerate cake on platter.

Place 9-inch cake on its cardboard on large flat plate or tart-pan bottom. Place plate on cake stand. Using icing spatula, spread 3 cups frosting over top and sides of cake; smooth top. Swirl frosting decoratively on sides of cake. Press 1 dowel into center of 9-inch cake. Mark dowel 1/4 inch above top of cake.

Remove dowel and cut at marked point. Cut remaining 3 dowels to same length. Press 4 cut dowels into 9-inch cake, inserting 3 inches inward from cake edges and spacing evenly. Refrigerate 9-inch cake on plate. Place 6-inch cake on its cardboard on another large flat plate or tart-pan bottom. Place plate on cake stand. Using icing spatula, spread 2 cups frosting over top and sides of cake; smooth top. Swirl frosting decoratively on sides of cake. Refrigerate all cakes until frosting sets, about 2 hours.

Using metal spatula as aid, gently place 9-inch cake on its cardboard atop 12-inch cake, centering carefully on dowels. Gently place 6-inch cake on its cardboard atop dowels in 9-inch cake. Spoon remaining frosting into pastry bag fitted with medium star tip. Pipe decorative border around base of 12-inch cake and around top edge of each tier. Let cake stand at room temperature at least 3, and up to 6, hours before serving.

Toss berries with sugar in large bowl. Let stand at least 30 minutes and up to 2 hours at room temperature. Remove top and middle cake tiers. Remove dowels from middle cake. Cut top and middle cakes into slices; transfer to plates. Remove dowels from bottom cake. Starting 3 inches inward from edge of bottom cake and cutting through from top to bottom. Cut 6-inch-diameter circle in center of cake. Cut outer portion of cake into slices, then cut inner portion into slices. 

Rajiv K. from Austin, TX on 07/06/00

Cake rises a bunch as long as your baking powder is fresh. (cake tins that are 3 in. tall) Use a mascarpone cheese / espresso / brandy mixture (omit the egg yolks) as a filling. Add in some cream cheese for stability. Combined with the brushing of the cake layers with the liquor.. Oh, and if you want your frosting to stand up to the sun in an outdoor wedding....DO NOT use this frosting. It will get soft quickly. I used a veg. shortening based cream cheese frosting that tasted great and held up in the hot Texas sun. This recipe will make a 12" layer cake and a 9" layer cake if you only want 2 tiers. Mix in no less than a 12 quart bowl.