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| So close |
Downsizing and living on a boat with someone else can be both pleasure and pain and now add children or big dogs to the mix.
We have traveled all over the US in the car with the dogs, so living together on the boat may not be that big of a deal. I grew up in a large home, and have chosen a small 1,500 square foot home most of my adult life. Now let us cut that down to 350 square foot boat (34 * 11). In the winter, spring, and fall we are outside enjoying the wonderful Texas warm weather. But come summertime it is too hot to be outside (occasionally too cold in the winter), so down we go into the AC cooled sailboat, and please do not let the AC strainer get clogged.
After much searching the internet, I found someone's (frugal-rv) post about living with their spouse in close quarters on a RV. I have simplified her rundown of problems, fears, and possible solutions to 17 problems and solutions to keep the peace.
My husband majored in PoliSci, and I minored in it, so our arguments (or discussions) could last for days, but I have learned that when it gets heated, either walk away, take a break, and cool down. So saner heads can prevail.
Men and women argue differently since cortisol (stress hormone) stay in female brains longer than males. One hour for a male after the end of an stressful argument versus a day for females. Now add adrenaline (aka epinephrine) into the mix a female will remember the details of that argument and past ones. I have even seen in our female intact golden retriever when she is pissed off at a male golden for attempting to damage her favorite toy. She will not forget and forgive until the next day.
- Solutions
- Arguments, normally one isn't more keen to long-term travel than the other. The longer a couple is together, the less stuff they agree on.
- New adventurous lifestyle can rekindle the flames and bond couples closer together, any marriage that's already on the rocks is not likely to survive in the close quarters
- Choose a best friend - a confidante to write letters to, sharing challenges and emotions.
- Sleep on it and chill out
- Sharing tight quarters
- Take turns – avoid bumping into each other.
- Getting dressed, preparing meals are best done, one person at a time,
- Little alone time
- Quiet time – Set aside an hour a day - not one word
- Use headphones for radio, television, computer
- Have separate hobbies
- Personality faults - A character fault in partner is magnified, more time exposed
- Schedule separate time – day when you go different directions.
- Sleep Patterns change - Different bed, strange location, foreign noises
- Separate bed times - allowing for more quiet alone time.
- Anxiety, worry, fears about potential problems
- Spiritual time – perform rituals, watch a sunset, lie under starry sky, have peaceful, reflective times.
- Sensory overload – trying to see and do too much
- Take a day off from the trip – a vacation from the vacation. "Stay home" for the day.
- Running away - realize you haven’t escaped after all
- Find purposes for your trip. Read your way through all "the classics," or write a blog
- Disappointment- lifestyle may not be all you expected or hoped.
- Decide on travel route, budget, marinas, which attractions to visit, schedules, reservations, whether to stay put or sail on.
- Disorientation - who are you now?
- Become a transient volunteer. Habitat for Humanity builds, read to seniors in a nursing home, or sort food at a food bank.
- Despair - What am I doing and why did I think this was a good idea? Problems with boat or getting lost can cause tensions to soar. Inclement weather - rainy, cold days
- Plan date nights. Splurge get off the boat, dining out, dancing, a concert, a resort, hotel room.
- Schedule a massage in your area.
- Leaving family behind: difficult to imagine
- Stay connected with email, social media, free Skype video, and cell phones.
- Inviting them to join you for a week in a sunny, fun location. Visits are longer and more memorable.
- Missing Special Occasions: birthdays and family get-together (may use emotional blackmail).
My clone - Try to attend bigger one-time events.
- Sickness or death in the family could interrupt any trip, so there's no sense letting fears keep you home.
- Leaving Your House Behind: stressful to selling it all.
- You’ll learn to relax as time goes by
- Arranging for a house sitter or, have someone check on the house and report to you regularly.
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- Committing to it in stages.
- Rent out house or keep their “stuff” in storage for at least the first year. Having this “insurance policy” and permission to change your mind and go back to your old life can make it less scary.
- Encounters with new people. Connect with new people but disagree about who and how much contact. For insecure partners, jealousy could be a factor.
- Make new friends constantly. You'll have more time for new relationships and are sure to meet more interesting people. Boaters are friendly breed especially at happy hour.
- Expect lots of one-night-stands, don’t be offended if you lose contact – we can’t stay in touch with them all.
- Meet people with common interests on forums. Those who post regularly soon get to know each other and carry on a very real, albeit “cyber” relationship.
- Boredom: keep things interesting, we try to change the pace. Boating every day, even through spectacular scenery, can become tiring
- Make plans. Have new destinations to look forward to see.
- Hang out in town and appreciate things through new eyes again or different landscape.
From RVing, trucking, boating downsizing to small quarters can put pressure on your relationship but having a plan and agreeing to it helps.
Do not talk too much (get to the point), and do not be a know-it-all (as JT says a Sexual Intellectual), otherwise walk the plank.
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| Future sailor, 'maybe' |
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| Small Living is the Life for Me |
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